61. An intense gaze hooded with anguished and enraged brown eyes…(T.Jirira)4 min read

An intense gaze hooded with anguished and enraged brown eyes laced with mine- holding them captive without any sign of relenting mercies. Reality slowly seeped in as I realised that I was no longer entitled to the devoted love, trust and hope I had always known. “Will you miss me ?” The words tumbled out of my mouth, forever drawing the thin line between love and hate.
A slight breeze blew past my face as I stepped onto the side walk of a tree-lined street outside of my office building. My heart easily warmed at the sight of a couple that strolled by, hand in hand, with the man whispering enticing words of endearment into his partner’s ear.
The smell of freshly baked donuts filled my nostrils, pulling me out of my reverie. As I was searching for coins in my purse, a strikingly beautiful short plump lady approached me, introducing herself as Eva. I only managed to catch the words ‘stay away’, ‘left me alone’ and ‘careful’ as it all came out in a rush. Judging by the hurt in her voice, it occurred to me that she was definitely one of my lover’s, Darcy, past girlfriends. I heard her rant about how he dumped her for another woman and yet it seemed to her as if he already had a family of his own. Noticing that I had been quiet for a bit too long, she apologised and tried to reassure me by mentioning how their relationship was a lifetime ago and that maybe Darcy had changed his ways. Sirens rang loud in my head, raising a lot of questions that only Darcy could answer. Too stunned to speak, I only could be content with my final decision, my feet navigating towards Lé Cafe Soul, the only place I knew Darcy would be since he had said so in passing early morning before we had parted ways for work.
The dim light in the restaurant fell upon Darcy’s face, magnifying his well defined masculine features that reeled me in and made my heart, on it’s own accord, pound as if it had no tomorrow. As if he had heard my thoughts, he lifted his head from the tab he was placing a tip in with a smile playing about his lips. All of my worries and questions blurred out of existence as I ravaged him just like the eye candy he was. “You know, it is really rude of you to keep staring but I can see that you are enjoying the view,” he said in a husky low voice. Noting the desire glinting in his eyes that entailed a night of incandescent passion, I smiled inwardly as he took my hand into his, surely heading home…
The sun was setting in countless shades of orange and copper streaking the evening sky. Rays of the late afternoon sunlight slanted through the wooden blinds, illuminating a hint of Darcy’s dishevelled silver hair as his tie was loosely hung on his shirt. My gaze lingered kn the ruffled sheets beside me that told a story of an unholy bond that had just united two bodies but maybe not the souls. Instinctively, I placed a protective hand over my belly in fear of the worst that could unfold as I loudly proclaimed, “Darcy, I am pregnant,” and his eyes widened in horror.
“Vanessa,” with a chilling calm weaved into his velvety voice he said, “I thought you were on the pill. How could you let this happen ?”
Darcy’s expression turned from affectionate to being cold within the blink of an eye. He talked about how he was the ‘big guy’ in the politicians’ world and about how a secret affair with his own blood could cause a scandal so big that even the Haiti earthquake would fade into insignificance, leaving his reputation a threadbare existence. Thrusting Gerrad’s card, a renowned obstetrician friend of his, he mirthlessly demanded that I abort.
His lack of compassion ignited a searing rage that flowed into my veins, eliciting the most violent of responses from me. I lurched from the bed, without thinking twice, gracing his cheek with a slap leaving the palm of my hand imprinted across his face. He roared all kinds of insults and threats at me but I had known better than to wallow in self-pity. His tirade coming to a halt, his silence then only cushioned his acceptance to defeat as he made his way to the door to leave.
“I cannot be having children with my own child,” he bluntly said and that was it…
The woman. Her words. It’s all connected- the only thought that flashed like a mantra in vivid neon; over and over again.